What to do when a family member dies?

When a family member dies, it is common to feel unsure about what you are supposed to do next. This is especially true when you are not the spouse, parent, or person formally responsible for arrangements.

This page is here to help you understand what usually matters right now, what often comes up later, and what does not need your attention yet.

There is no correct pace. You are not behind.

What to focus on right now

In the first days after a death, most people in your position do not need to take formal action. What matters most is understanding what has already been handled and giving yourself space to respond.

Right now, your role may simply be to acknowledge the loss and stay connected.

• You might reach out to family members to express condolences

• You might check in on someone who was especially close

• You might attend services if that feels right for you

You do not need perfect words or a plan. Presence is enough.

It is also normal to feel emotionally unsettled in these early days. Shock, numbness, sudden sadness, or feeling strangely functional are all common responses. Try to rest when you can, eat regularly, and avoid making major decisions if possible.

What often happens in the weeks and months after

As time passes, many people notice that the impact of the loss changes rather than disappears.  Emotions often come in waves. You may feel fine for a while and then feel the loss unexpectedly when routines return, family dynamics shift, or reminders surface.

You may also feel uncertain about your role. You might wonder how involved you should be, feel pressure to support others, or feel overlooked because your relationship is not seen as immediate family.

These experiences are common. Grief does not depend on titles or roles.

During this period, it can help to check in with yourself and decide what feels sustainable. Some people stay closely involved with family. Others need more distance. Both are valid choices.

There is no deadline for understanding what this loss means to you.