First Steps after a Parent's Death

The first days after a parent’s death can feel disorienting. Time blurs. Conversations repeat. You may feel overwhelmed, strangely calm, deeply sad, or not much at all.

Many people search for answers during this window because they’re afraid of doing something wrong or missing something important.

The truth is: very little is required of you in the first 24 to 72 hours.

This guide walks through what usually matters during those early days, what can wait, and what you are not expected to handle yet.

What These First Days Are Really About

Right now, the goal isn’t productivity or decision-making. It’s orientation.

You’re figuring out:

• What has already been handled

• Who is involved

If there is a surviving spouse, executor, or another family member coordinating arrangements, you may not need to do anything at all unless you’re asked.

Shock, numbness, confusion, waves of sadness, or feeling oddly functional are all normal responses. Grief affects memory, focus, and judgment. That’s why these early days are about slowing down, not pushing forward.

Step 1: Make Sure the Death Has Been Officially Confirmed

In most situations, this is already taken care of. If your parent passed away in a hospital, hospice, or care facility, a medical professional will officially pronounce the death and begin the necessary documentation. If the death occurred at home, emergency services or hospice staff are usually contacted to do this.

You do not need death certificates yet.  You do not need to “start paperwork.”

Right now, it’s enough to know that the death has been officially confirmed and that the process has begun.

Step 2: Clarify Who Is Handling Things Right Now

This step alone can remove a lot of pressure.

Try to determine:

• Is there a surviving spouse making decisions?

• Is there an executor named in a will?

• Has another family member stepped into a coordinating role?

If someone else is handling arrangements, that does not mean you’re failing or avoiding responsibility. It means roles are being divided and that’s okay. You are not expected to take control unless you are asked.

Step 3: Notify Immediate Family (If It Hasn’t Happened Yet)

Often, close family members are notified quickly. If not, this may be one of the only things that needs attention in the first day or two. Focus only on people who need to know right away:

• A spouse or partner

• Children

• Siblings

• Anyone directly involved in care or decisions

You don’t need to explain everything. Simple is enough. Something like:

“I’m so sorry to share this. My dad passed away today. We’re still processing and will share more when we can.”

There will be time later for extended family, friends, and broader communication.

Step 4: Contact a Funeral Home (If Needed)

If a funeral home hasn’t already been contacted, this often happens within the first couple of daysb ut it doesn’t mean all decisions need to be made immediately.

A funeral home can:

• Transfer your parent into their care

• Explain next steps without rushing you

• Help later with death certificates

• Hold space while your family decides what comes next

You do not need to finalize services, burial, or cremation choices right now.
The purpose at this stage is care and coordination, not closure.

Step 5: Secure the Home and Immediate Belongings

If your parent lived alone, a small amount of practical attention can help prevent issues later.

You might:

• Lock doors and window

• Arrange care for pets

• Bring together obvious valuables or important items into one safe place

You do not need to clean, sort, or organize anything. You’re not “starting the process.” You’re simply keeping things safe.

Step 6: Gather Important Items

If documents or personal items are easy to access, it’s okay to collect them gently into one place.

This might include:

• Identification (licenses, passports, social security)

• Insurance paperwork

• A will or estate documents, if known

• A phone, wallet, or keys

• Recent mail

Do not throw anything away. Do not make decisions about accounts or property yet.

Right now, preservation is enough.

Step 7: Avoid Big Decisions If You Can

This is one of the most important things to know. If possible, avoid making:

• Financial decisions

• Legal commitments

• Property or housing decisions

• Long-term plans

Grief can make everything feel urgent—even when it isn’t. Most matters can wait days or weeks without causing harm.

If someone is pushing you to decide quickly, it’s okay to say:

“We’re not ready to decide yet. We’ll come back to this.”

Step 8: Take Care of Immediate Human Needs

This part is easy to overlook. Try to:

• Eat something, even if it’s small

• Drink water

• Rest when you can

• Accept help if it’s offered

You don’t need to be strong, composed, or organized. Being present is enough.

What You Don’t Need to Handle Yet

Many people worry they’re forgetting something. In the first 72 hours, these usually do not need immediate attention:

• Insurance claims

• Bank accounts

• Government notifications

• Canceling subscriptions

• Settling the estate

Those steps come later, when you have more clarity and support.